Last week, I started writing about the dread and anxiety that Mother's day would surely bring. When I am hurting, the words usually flow effortlessly. I couldn't fill a single note page. I could not articulate my sadness. What I did write was shit. And full of self pity. I sat it aside...because I don't want pity...yours or my own.
My Mother's Day salvation came in the form of a package from Amber. What was written inside the card (that I specifically did not want) was more than I had asked for in my nightly chats with my daughter.
"I know you didn't want a card and I had no intention of getting you one, but God and Noelle had other plans.
When Googling baptism gifts this poem popped up. Has nothing to do with Baptism so I knew it was Noelle's message to you. Then when I was shopping for my Mom a card, this was the first card I saw. It fits you perfectly and though your babies can be rough on you, they love you and you are the perfect mom for them. To top it all off, when shopping for my Mom, I saw this delicate bracelet that reminded me of your tiny wrist and a waded up top someone left by the jewelry. I picked the top up so I could see the bracelet and it was cute and quirky like you. Then I saw the brand...Alice, Through the Looking Glass...and when I picked up the bracelet there was a tiny B on it. So I am sorry I did not respect your wishes but I believe Noey was making sure she took care of you this Mother's day. I love you. Please don't be mad." (I love that part-the please don't be mad-she knows me too well)
The bracelet and blouse inside the package were perfect gifts themselves, but the poem that Amber had printed from the internet is something I will cherish forever.
Dear Mr. Hallmark card maker,
I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she's cried.
I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes stories to honor me, sometimes far into the night.
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worth.
She needs to be honored, and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you'll do you best
I have done all I can do; to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom!
Through the tears streaming from my eyes as I read this short poem, I could almost see what the anonymous author left off...Love, your favorite...Noelle.