I read Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl and really liked it so when I heard about the movie, I figured I would like it too. Gillian wrote the screenplay so I was pretty sure the movie would follow the book. I hate it when a movie deviates completely from the book! Don't worry, there are no spoilers here. This post is so not about the movie's plot. Anyway, I was happy to fork over 50 bucks to see this particular movie because there was a little extra incentive in the form of the promise of full frontal nudity by Mr. Affleck, himself.
Anyway, on the way to the theatre, I give my husband the run down of what the movie is about and talk mostly about the writing style that Gillian Flynn used in the book. After buying our tickets, I casually mention..."and we get to see Ben Affleck naked."
Watching previews, I happily munched on popcorn while my mind went through possible scenerios in which full frontal would be appropriate. About half way through the movie, still no weenie and I had to go to the bathroom. Damn Dr. Pepper! I ran to the bathroom and back in record time, hoping I didn't miss the big reveal. I debated washing my hands, mentally calculating how long it would take, but decided to go the hygienic route. Bladder empty, hands washed, I ran/walked back to my seat. I wanted to lean over and ask Brett if I had missed it, but decided to not seem too eager. He is, after all, my husband, and probably does not care for my facination with Ben's wang.
So at this point, we are getting down to the wire, the movie is almost over and I haven't seen jack shit from Ben. Where the fuck is the nudity? Oh wait, is that it? He's getting undressed, walking towards the shower...ummm that is a sideways shadow...not full frontal...I couldn't even tell if that was a penis or just a bunch of pubes. I was disappointed to say the least. Then I started thinking...maybe the nudity happened while I was in the bathroom. That had to be it.
Leaving the theatre, I asked Brett, "So, did you happen to see any nudity while I was in the bathroom?"
"Oh yeah", he replied. "You missed it, those were some really nice tits."
Moral of the story, even though Ben doesn't give it up, if you want to watch a good movie, go see Gone Girl.
And maybe, if your husband has a sense of humor, he will walk around the house with his weenie hanging out of the front of his boxers. Full frontal all night long.