February 28th, 2016

My sister-in-law gave me this cup.  She thinks I am a courageous woman.  I am not.  I am a broken woman.  I am here, at 4:30 in the morning, crying in my coffee.  I can't sleep.  I don't have peace.  Courage is a far cry away.  I am muddling through life, walking into walls, praying for peace, praying for happiness and joy.  Most days, I am able to find what I seek, but then there are days where I look and look and...end up crying in my coffee. 
If you know me, you know writing is my outlet.  When I am consumed with sadness about Noelle's death, I will sit down at my computer and write about her.  I can purge my feelings and feel better.  The last blog I wrote, I wrote without malice, without hate.  I simply wanted to bring to light something that was bothering me.  Yes, it was intended for a specific audience, and in calling that person out, I have been threatened with a lawsuit. 
I have thought long and hard about publicizing this, but as far as I know, I still have freedom of speech, and everything that I posted when I last wrote did not defame anyone's character (which is what I am being accused of)  I screenshoted  public posts from someone's facebook page and shared them.  If that person did not want the world at large to read them, they should have made those posts private, right?

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This is what I was met with after I posted my last blog.  I wasn't sure how to react, but I knew I damn sure wasn't taking down my blog post.  Fuck you, lady.  Yes, I just said that...take it to your lawyer.  YOU publicly posted: I shared.  Your bad.  Did you not think I would have a reaction?  You tried to place blame on my daughter for her death...'why would she walk when she had a car in the garage'...how dare you say that?  You insensitive bitch. Yes, she had a fucking car in the garage, but she didn't count on a drunk driver to KILL her when she started that walk.  She was reliving a memory with her friend, but you don't know about that, do you?  You don't know shit about my daughter or about why she was walking with Maranda that night.  You just want to displace blame from your family...and then you want to pretend to have sympathy...where was your sympathy when you were "telling truths" on facebook?  Did you really think I wouldn't see that?  In what way am I misinterpreting your words?  How am I inflicting pain on you?  By showing people what a two-faced person you are?  Please enlighten me. 
My daughter is dead, I am suffering more than you can imagine.  Do not patronize me with your "suffering" .  My blog was meant to let you know that your posts were hurtful to me...that I was aware of them and was asking you to stop.  It was also a plea for the defendants to tell the truth...which they still haven't. 
This is not a game, this is not a time for you to save face.  You can try to gain sympathy all you want by suggesting I am hateful and seeking revenge.  To reiterate...I AM SEEKING JUSTICE and I will find justice.  My daughter's death will not be in vain.  She WILL BE REMEMBERED and her name and those of who killed her will be talked about as long as I have a voice.  Get used to it.