One night I was laying in bed checking my FaceBook newsfeed when I saw a post that rocked my world. The post itself wasn't mind blowing, it read "Snuggled up in bed with my ipad about to read 50 Shades of Grey" There were about 20 comments to the post all along the lines of "I love that book", "Your husband will thank you!" "I've read all three", blah blah blah, "that book is awesome". I love to read and since the book was being highly recommended on this post, I logged on to Amazon and downloaded it without even reading the book description.
J and I took a nine hour road trip to visit friends in Louisiana...here are some of the things we talked about along the way.
J: "Big Mom said people go in tanning beds without their clothes."
Me: " As jay birds."
J: "So she WAS telling the truth."
While reading a short story on Jackie Robison for school...
J: " Hey Mom, listen to this...Jackie Robinson was offered a job at a place called Cock Full of Nuts."
Me: " Spell that first word, please?"
Me: " It's pronounced 'chalk'."
J: "You know that song, 'I think it's gonna be a long long time'?"
Me: "Yes, by Elton John. What are the rest of the words? I start humming...trying to remember the words.
J: "Thise are the only words I know. But I always think of that song when I'm taking tests at school...cause you know, tests take forever."
3 hours later...cause I've been taking my brain for lyrics...
Me: "Rocketman....burning down the streets up here alone."
Overheard as a little boy and his parents walked into Loves in Mississippi...
"Momma, Ima gonna go in here and get me a girlfriend."
To every song that comes on the radio...
J: "Ohhhh....I know this song!"
J: "Why are you staring so closely at the road?"
Me:"I'm just leaning up like this because my back hurts."
J:"Oh, I thought you had gone crazy or something."
J: "How come all the music on the radio is hood music or country?"
Me: "I guess we are in gangster/hillbilly territory. Just put a cd in."
As Miranda Lambert sings, "All kinds of kinds"....
J: "Oh God, a cross dresser."
After he lets a big fart...
J: "That was a rump shaker!"
Inner monologue as I am driving through Pine Bluff, AR...
"Holy mother of God! What is that smell? Rotten vegetables? A thousand people farting rotten vegetables at the same time?"
On the phone with my mother...
Big Mom: " Where are you?"
Me: " I don't know...somewhere near Pine Bluff."
Big Mom: " Have you went through Pine Bluff yet?
Me: "I don't know. It's dark and there are no signs."
Big Mom: "You will know Pine Bluff...it stinks."
Me:"Like an asshole?"
Big Mom: "Yes."
Me: "Then I passed through about ten minutes ago."
Big Mom: "You are in a rough part of the state...get out of there as fast as you can."
Me: "I can only go so fast."
Big Mom: "I know, but get out of there as fast as you can without speeding."
Me: "OK, Mom."
At 10 PM...
J: "If we were home, I would be in bed right now. Either that or I would be talking to my friends telling them I'm about to go to bed."