I love Halloween. The dressing up part anyway. Probably because I get to wear wigs. And I love candy. Trick or Treating, on the other hand sucks a big fat one. Mostly because my kids have been scared to death of all the scary houses and costumes. Seriously, kids. It's fucking Halloween. It's supposed to be scary. Of course you can't rationalize that to a screaming kid who is burying her face in your crotch while you try to coax her up to the porch with the witches and goblins.
It seems that every year we have some sort of Halloween disaster.
2002-We didn't live in a neighborhood that gave out candy so I bundled 5 month old J up in his car seat so I could drive a couple of blocks over to a kid friendly street to take N Trick or Treating. It was like 5 degrees outside (not really, but it felt that way...and the heater in my car was broken so we were freezing our asses off as we drove from house to house) N insisted on being a cat that year and her costume consisted of pretty much a leotard and a headband with ears. In typical 6 year old defiance, she refused to wear ANYTHING other than the leotard...no sweatpants, no long sleeve shirt, no coat.
"But Mooommmm! Then they won't know I'm a cat!" OK, whatever freeze your butt off.
2004-N rings the bell to a house and a middle-aged man opens the door wearing jeans and a leather vest with no shirt. This was not a costume. He was handing out crystals instead of candy. N was ecstatic because she was in her rock collecting phase. She was carefully going through the cardboard box of crystals when the guys says, "Where do you live, little girl?"
She gave him our address.
2005-2008-N is in her scary costume phase...this lasted until she decided she was too old to go Trick or Treating...much to my and J and L's dismay. J and L were scared shitless of every costume...every year. They screamed and cried every time they looked at her. In typical big sister fashion, every time I got them calmed down she would get in their faces with her scary mask and the screams would start again.
2009-2012-Fuck this shit. From now on, we are going to the Hometown Halloween carnival where there are pony rides and bouncy houses. Nothing scary. The local businesses give out candy and for the most part people are dressed as chickens and Flo from Progressive.
2013-Hometown Halloween again, but this year the kids want to go through the haunted house.
"Please Mom, we aren't scared any more. We promise. Blah Blah Blah"
Liars! The Haunted House was 15 minutes of pure hell. The kids were terrified. They were crying two seconds after we walked in the door. I ended up pleading with our ghouly tour guide to rush us through. He was a dick and didn't. I screamed at the people jumping out and chasing us with chainsaws, "You should be ashamed of yourself! These children are scared to death!" That didn't do any good either. I tried to warn the kids, "Someone is about to jump out from behind that corner, don't be scared." Yeah right. They were scared. I was pissed that I agreed to go in the haunted house in the first place. It was horrible.
This year the kids have decided they want to stay home but still dress up and give out candy. But keeping with tradition, I'm sure something crazy will happen. Stay tuned. In the meantime, enjoy these pictures from Halloweens past.
2002-We didn't live in a neighborhood that gave out candy so I bundled 5 month old J up in his car seat so I could drive a couple of blocks over to a kid friendly street to take N Trick or Treating. It was like 5 degrees outside (not really, but it felt that way...and the heater in my car was broken so we were freezing our asses off as we drove from house to house) N insisted on being a cat that year and her costume consisted of pretty much a leotard and a headband with ears. In typical 6 year old defiance, she refused to wear ANYTHING other than the leotard...no sweatpants, no long sleeve shirt, no coat.
"But Mooommmm! Then they won't know I'm a cat!" OK, whatever freeze your butt off.
2004-N rings the bell to a house and a middle-aged man opens the door wearing jeans and a leather vest with no shirt. This was not a costume. He was handing out crystals instead of candy. N was ecstatic because she was in her rock collecting phase. She was carefully going through the cardboard box of crystals when the guys says, "Where do you live, little girl?"
She gave him our address.
2005-2008-N is in her scary costume phase...this lasted until she decided she was too old to go Trick or Treating...much to my and J and L's dismay. J and L were scared shitless of every costume...every year. They screamed and cried every time they looked at her. In typical big sister fashion, every time I got them calmed down she would get in their faces with her scary mask and the screams would start again.
2009-2012-Fuck this shit. From now on, we are going to the Hometown Halloween carnival where there are pony rides and bouncy houses. Nothing scary. The local businesses give out candy and for the most part people are dressed as chickens and Flo from Progressive.
2013-Hometown Halloween again, but this year the kids want to go through the haunted house.
"Please Mom, we aren't scared any more. We promise. Blah Blah Blah"
Liars! The Haunted House was 15 minutes of pure hell. The kids were terrified. They were crying two seconds after we walked in the door. I ended up pleading with our ghouly tour guide to rush us through. He was a dick and didn't. I screamed at the people jumping out and chasing us with chainsaws, "You should be ashamed of yourself! These children are scared to death!" That didn't do any good either. I tried to warn the kids, "Someone is about to jump out from behind that corner, don't be scared." Yeah right. They were scared. I was pissed that I agreed to go in the haunted house in the first place. It was horrible.
This year the kids have decided they want to stay home but still dress up and give out candy. But keeping with tradition, I'm sure something crazy will happen. Stay tuned. In the meantime, enjoy these pictures from Halloweens past.